garys MLG aventure
by UglyTurnip
Summary: I'll just give it away right now, this is a trollfic I made because I was bored. gary tels the tail of how he joined FaZe. m becuz its naughty
1. a noob hope

helo m8s. my name is Gary but u can call me XxX_Garusnipez_XxX. i am n elete noscoper of the FaZe klan. this is my story, a sotry i made 4 u mates, becuz Call of Dutty tot me that theres a souldier in all of us.

the stroy of how i got into FaZe klan is a long and pearlilous one filed with many wins and loses, freinds and enemys, butt most importantly, it is a cumming of age story, of a yung little noob into a MLG noscoper. this tory is not 4 the faint of hart.

. . .

it all stared in Nuketown on the origenal black ops i was playing alot of seach and destroy, my favrite game mode becuz u can here all the noobs cry wen u kill them. i was going ham witg a steakout and liteweight pro.

i ran out of the gren house and shot a rusher.

"aw u fukin scrub" i herd him say after i killed him wich didnt make sense cuz he was alredy ded. maybee he wuz illuminati?

(open ur eyes m8s)

suddenly i saw a grenade land next to me

"oh shit" I sed

"BOOM" the grenade sed as it killed me.

"fukin grenade spamers" i sed sadly

"you dont have the rite to talk, shotgun skrub" it was a familiar voice. it was. . . the kid from be4! his gt wuz XxXMLGchipotleXxX but thats a fukin long name so well call him chip

"u wot m8?" i sed

"u herd me, u noob" he sed back.

"im no noob im oficial FaZe m8" i sed back annoyed but i wuz lying i acually wasnt in FaZe yet

"bullshit" he sed back madly "1v1 me in quikscoping if youre oficial FaZe"

"Ok i will" i sed and left the game to set up a privete loby. i put it in Nuketown becuz it was a fun smal map and i wuz gonna have fun wreking this noob.

I invited chip to the game and he had the ballz to show up. i set it to 1000 ponts so whoeevr got 10 kills would win first

"wait up i wanna set up my class" chip sed so i waited

i slurped my montan dew and 8 a few doritoes becuz i was really scared becas i was bad at quikscoping. i new that backing down now wuld have ben cowurdly tho so i didnt

"alrite skrub prepear to get wrekt " he sed and i took that as a q to start the game

my hart was beeting in my chest but i couldnt tell if it was from the inpending doom or all the junk fod i 8. wen the game loaded i chose my snipper class which wos a L96A1 with infruhred sites and a macarov that i couldnt use. my perks were lightwait, slight of hand and marathon pro so i could go fast like sanic

i spawned behind the yello house on the Black Ops team and ran out to the midle of the map to look for him but he quikscoped me

"ha! first blod m8!" he sed exsitedly as he teabaged me. i wuz very embassered

i ran behind him wile he was stil teabaging my past life and quikscoped him

"alrite no more games m8" he sed furiosly

he theb agresivly hunted me down and kiled me until he had 900 ponts. i only had 100 ponts from that 1 time i killed him

"wow u suk m8 i new ud be a skrub just give up now" he taunted me pridfully

i only had 1 opshun and lowerud my hed to prey. "shrek, i need u" i openly sed not caring that the mic picked it up

"ha ur praying 4 shrek?" he sed. "Ur pathetic m8"

i w8ed and w8ed but shrek never came. then chip found me a quikscoped me, but i didn't die. i gapsed. i was in. . . SEKUND CHANSE! this wuz imposibull cuz i didnt have the perk equipped

"wut?" chip sed. he wuz confused. "oh well, i got u now

suddenly an all to familiar sent filed the room it was the sent of onyuns. "sry for beeng late lady i had some1 else to help." I herd a scottish voice sey. i smiled

"no it cant be" scremed chip as shrek bussed thru the wall. he was naked and ready. but that wasnt all becuz reznov bussed into the room to and he had a camra

"reznov? u work 4 shrek now?" i sed

"yeah m8 he saved me from vorkouta so im his camraman now" he sed hapily

"Kool m8" i sed and wached as shrek began to approch chip who looked nervus

he pulled out a detonator and sed in an desperet voise "dont make me call them in"

"call who?" we all sed

he presed the butun anyway even tho we stoped "im callin FaZe"

"im not scared of FaZe" sed shrek. now giv me ur buttcheks

suddenly a bunch of tropers came in and amed there guns at shrek "o rly?" one sed

shrek wasnt FAZED (geddit?) and turned at them. then he began to lawnch onyun juse out of his eshrekt dik like a minigun becuz it was cumming so fast their heds exploded

"try again, laddy" shrek smiled as he grabbed chip and impailed him on his dik. then he cam so much that he floded Nuketown with his onyun juse. even tho i wuz down, reznov grabed my hand and helpd me swim thru the cum to the surfase

i gapsed for bref at the surfase and lookd for land wen i saw a boat made of doritos with a pipe stuk on the top but it wasnt a normal pipe it wuz a STEAM pipe

i had just enuf energ to swim to the boat and climed on. i saw the pilot and it was. . .

"Gab Newell!?" i sed

"clime in Gary deez Steam sumer sails wont sell themselfs," lord gaben sed

yes lord gaben wuz drivin the steam boat made out of doritos becuz this is the onlee way to cunferm half life 3

shrek climed out of the see of his own jiss onto the boat followed by reznov. the son wuz setting on the horizon

"is it ogre" i sed

"no lady. its not ogre. its nevar ogre"

 **2 bee continud. . .**


	2. FaZe striks bak

WARNING: THIS CATPER CUNTANES SPOKYSKURYSKELETONS THAT MAY FRITEN SUM VEWERS. VUWER DESKRESHUN ADVSED

ovur the next few monfs our freindships grew and we becam a feersome 4sum. shrek wuz our leeder and he wuz a god 1 and we all luved him wile reznov wuz also prety kool but he and lord gaben always fot wif eech other and it was dramatik anyway reznov wuz shreks rite hand and wuz fayful to the ogrelord

lord gaben wuz a mersenaree who joind the cause becuz shrek promised plenty of Steam sumer sails. he construkted the ss 420blazeit a dorito steamboat litely armed with quikscop canons. it wos our base of oper8shuns and we live hear but nobody new abut reznovs sekrt krsh on lord gaben and even tho gaben wuz fat and cowurdly reznov wuz in luv wif him and jus akted lik a fag yandar weabo arond him

meenwile i wuz the chosin 1 and shrek had fond out i wos profesized to defeat FaZe klan in an epic batul and becum there new leeder. he traned me in the art of quikscopng and 360 noscopng and evrything i needed to defeet FaZe klan

1 day we were playng origenz cuz we had dat BO3 zom-zoms tho and shrek moded the gam to make it rain montan dew insted of water and it tasted god

i got distrakted by the montan dew rain and loked in2 the ski and openned my mouf. it was euforick and i almost got lost in its wam and tasty tuch.

suddenly we saw the blimp in the ski lower 2 the grond. gaben wuz skared but not in n afrayed way.

shrek put his powefull ogre hand on my sholder "there cummin ladde" he mutered

"who" i sed skardly.

"FaZe is abowt to strik bak. we coudnt avoid there raf 4evr"

"o no" reznov sed as he rased his MP40 at the blmp. "we got 2 stp them m8s"

gaben was runin away liek a lil bich to get to the ss 420blazeit were it was safe but shrek and reznov and i stayed to fite FaZe. we wur at gen 4 and armed with ray guns eksept for shrek becuz his dik was enuf to repel FaZe

"atenshun gary" they sed on a lowdspeeker "surender urself m8 and we wont kil u wif our awsom quikskoping powers"

"he wil nevar surender m8s" shrek shouted as he riped the close from his body. "now go away be4 i analy rap u all"

a 1 eyd tryangle trihard jumped down from the blimp and he wuz. . . THE ILLUMNAUGHTY and we were 2 skared 2 shot him cuz he had n army of spookyskuryskeletons 2 protect him

"illuminati, my old nemehsis" shrek growled as his erekshun grew angrilee "i shud have none u were behind this"

illuminati laffed and it sonded evel "and i see u found the chosin 1"

"yes and he will dethrown you"

"him and wot army" illuminati sed evily

"he dosent ned n army cuz he only needs us"

"dont mak me laff" sed illuminati "u 4 cannot defeet FaZe klan"

"well sho u" sed reznov who wuz tierd of illuminatis bulshit and fird his raygun at illuminati but illuminati was ekspekting this and dodged it

illuminati didnt conteratak "this is ur last chanse shrek" he sed "hand ovur gary for his cryms"

"wot crymes did i comit" I sed curiusly

"u inpersun8d a FaZe klan member m8" illuminati sed as he red a pece of payper "and ur punshmnt is eternul banishment frm xbox live

"no" i scremed sadly "as the chosin 1 i will breek ur harsh diktatership"

"not if i kill u frst" illuminati sed as he jumped at me to tuch me becuz any1 who gets tuchd by the illuminati getz baned instantly

but shrek lept in the way and tok it for me.

"noooooooooo" reznov and i skremed loudly

"u fol" illuminati sed as his ponty angles tore in2 shrek who was in alot of pan

"ur the fol, illuminati" shrek managd to sey. "the profesee stats that we bof must dye at sum pont

"oh shit ur rite lol wel that wont hapen becuz i wil snd my army of skeletuns 2 kil him. SKELETUNS ATAK now"

i shot at illuminati as he ekspad bak 2 the blimp but al my shits mised and his spokyskuryskeletons marched 2 me

"were the fuk is gaben" sed reznov "that fuker neds to cum her now"

i shot at the spokyskury skeletons but they wer 2spoky4me and i ran away and so did reznov becuz he wuz afrad of beng alone

we ran around loking 4 lord gaben wen we saw a swarm of ranbo frogs flying after us on jetpaks trying to kil us but sudenly 1 of them shot down the othurs and landednext to us in a frendly way

"its ok im a god guy my gt is ranbo frog #69 and i am not evul like my broters that i kiled"

"k cum wif us" we sed and he did

then ranbo frog 69 turnd and shot the spokyskuryskeletons and they becam ded and he culd do this becuz he wuz a badas lil frog who wasnt afrayed of nuthin

"i kild them guys" sed ranbo frog

"god now we gota get 2 shrek" sed reznov

wen we fond shrek he was bleding and his dik wuz choped of leeving only a blody stump

"shrek" i cryd at the site of my dieing mentor

"shhh" he sed as he put a cumfortng finger over my mouf. "its not ogre yet ladde cuz u can fiks this and kil illuminati 2 deth and becum the new FaZe klan leeder"

"hear" shrek sed as he reched into his blody penis stump and puled out a golden fedora "take this and u wil be ful MLG"

"ok" i sed as ters fel from my fase

"wen i dye, the world of MLG wil be thrown of balance and wil blow up if u dont defeet illuminati in 3 days. follow the blimp 2 there sekret hidout and kil al who resist u"

"no" sed reznov "dont die shrek"

"srry reznov but i will dye now" sed shrek and he dyed

"noooooooooooo" we al sed eksep 4 ranbo frog who rely didnt giv a fuk

then a bunch of FaZe klan quikscopers cam and shot at us and we ran away

"we must find lord gaben" i sed

then sudenly lord gaben cam out of nower and he wuz drivin the ss 420blazeit which also had hovurjets that aloud it to flot on land

"im bak m8s" he sed as we hoped in but he notised shreks ded body "those fukers kild shrek?"

"yeh" reznov sed "it wuz the loominati"

"the illuminati!?" gaben was shoked. "the leeder of faze itself"

"were at war now" ranbo frog sed

"who r u m8" aksed lord gaben wile i shot at the FaZe klan quikscopers from 1 of the canons

"dey cal me ranbo frog 69 cuz i am the 69th model of the ranbo frog robot armee. we r the new FaZe air units but they 4got 2 make me evul so i deficated 2 ur side

"k" lord gaben sed "im legendairy steam mersenaree lord gaben"

thnks to shreks traning i managed to kill the FaZe quikskopers and we saw the blimp fli away

we bured shrek on a hil nereby and sed a few wrds in his memoree. but we didnt hav tim 4 a rel funral. dat wuld be 4 later

"folow the blimp lord gaben" i sed since i wuz the chosin 1 "we got a server 2 sav"

so the ss420blazeit folowd the blimp to the site of the final batle wer wed eithr defeet the illuminati and sav the sever or wed dye tring


	3. retun of the chosen 1

if lord gaben wuz god at 1 fing, it wuz drivin dorito bots rely fast but not as fast as sanic

"this isnt abot Steam sumer salz anymoar" he sed "now its persunol"

i looked at my goldn fedora and plased it in my poket. i smeled 2 myself as the bot contenud on its path 2 the illumiatis sekret bas.

he wuld pay 4 kiling shrek

ranbo frog was impresed by the bots teknawlogy and wanted to no moar but Gaben didnt want him to no to much so he made up sum stuf

anyway the bot eventualy arived at the map plaza and we doked. we enturd the klub to c if he has hiden here, but there wuz only a few custumers and loud dubstep which ranbo frog swayed to

"well darn guyz hes not hear" i sed sadly "well haf 2 go sumwer els

"psst" sed a voyse akros the rom

i walkd up 2 him "hello" i sed

he smiled a sly smele "hello m8 i no who u are"

"u wot m8" i sed

"ur the chosin 1 that shrek traned" he sed "word has spred that u r profesized 2 defeet FaZe klan and the illuminati

"so wut" i sed "what do u want"

"my klan told me u wuld cum" he sed "my name is lenny of the lenny klan, i wunt illuminati ded to."

dat is wen i relized it wuz the tru lenny, leeder of lenny klan "how kan we trust u" i sed

he reched in2 his ass and puled out a nu snipper "here this is a nu snipper that can see thru walz" he sed "u kan use it 2 defeet the illuminati"

"wut is it caled" i sed exsitedly

"storm psr" he sed "i haked it frum the campain wich FaZe is 2 stuped 2 play. theyll nevar c u cumming"

i trusted lenny now becuz of this gift "u can cum and help us and bring ur klan 2 the fite"

lenny puled anoter storm out of his ass "gladly m8"

. . .

the illuminati set on his ship in the see, which wuz the yat in hijaked a very populer map and vakashun spot

"mwahahahahahaha" he lafed "gary and his frends r cumming to defeet us but they wil fail"

"how did u no sur" sed a FaZe klan member hoo wuz klening his snippar

"my al seaing i seas all" illuminati sed

"k" sed the FaZe klan member

. . .

"gentulmen" sed lenny 2 his klan "we r about 2 go 2 war. many of u will di lol and we wont bary u"

"aww yeeeaaahhhh" sed the klan

"dont interupt me u fagots" sed lenny "anyway our gol is 2 help gary defeet the illuminati" lenny puled a map out of his ass "this is hijaked m8s we hav raison 2 beleev that illuminati and FaZe r here" lenny grabed his storm "kil al FaZe klan members m8s but leave illuminati 2 gary"

"y me" i sed

"cuz ur the chosin 1 dumbas" lenny sed

"k" i sed "r we redy 2 go"

"yeh" sed lenny "also lord gaben helped us buld moar dorito bots"

"aww yeh it wil be fun" i sed

. . .

i sat on the ss 420blazeit as it aproched the yat

"be carful gary" sed ranbo frog "the illuminati must not be underestim8d"

"yeh" sed reznov "mak shrek prod"

"I wil" i sed

sudenly a snippar bulet cam out of nowere and sank the dorito bot next to us and the lennys on it droned to deth

"noooooooooooooooooo" i sed "they new we wur cuming"

"shit" reznov sed "go faster gaben"

"i cant" the fat man sed "wer at maksimum sped"

"oh no" ranbo frog sed

a snippar bulet hit anoter dorito ship and it sank

"theyre kiling our lennys" sed reznov

"almost there" gaben sed "so clos"

then sudenly just as we reched the bak of the yat the ship wuz hit by a snippar bulet and wuz sinking

"oh no" reznov sed "i cant swim"

"its ok" gaben sed "hold onto my body fat"

"k" reznov sed as he grabed gabens fat rols wich mad me flot

ranbo frog wuz alredy on the ship and i got on to "u 2 stay ther" ranbo frog sed as he puled a snippar out of his as "me and gary hav this"

"k"

i puled out my new snippar and aimed thru the wal and sur enuf there were 2 FaZe klan members on the other sid

i quikskoped one

"shit" sed the other as i shot him 2 deth

"those were the guyz shoting our bots down" ranbo frog sed

we saw moar bots dok neerby and lennys come out holding snippars and in the sky there wer flying lennys

a FaZe snippar began 2 shot and kiled a lenny and the other lennys began a gunfite

"let them handle the snippars" sed ranbo frog 2 me "our reel taget is the illuminati"

"yeh"

so we ran and ran and quikskoped any FaZe snippars in our way until we reched the bak of the ship

"hahahahaha u cunts im geting away" illuminati sed inside a helicopter

"oh no u dnt" i sed as i hardskoped the illuminati in the helicopter and he fel out

"oh yeh we did it!" sed ranbo frog as he spun his hed arond

then we herd brething and we relized. . . the illuminati wuz stil alive!111

"imposibul" i sed "ur ded"

"u foal" sed the illuminati "u thot 1 snippar shot wuld kil me"

"well yeh" sed ranbo frog

"shut up trator" the illuminati sed and shot ranbo frog in the face with a snippar

"nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" i sed "stay wif me ranbo"

"i dont wana di" ranbo frog krid as he bleeded on the flor

i gav the illuminati the madest lok i had "how dar u" i sed "how dar u"

"becuz al who betra me deserv 2 di" he sed evily "including u"

"but the balanse has ben throne off" i sed "only ur deth wil restor peese"

illuminati just amed his rifl at me and smiled "i dont car abot peese" and shot at me

i dived out of the way and barley eskaped frum the bulet "so thats how u want huh" i sed as i reched for my snippar and shot bak

illuminati doged (wow such doge) wif a perfekt spin and his singul i loked at me madly "yes it is m8" he sed and then shot at me but this tim it went betwen my legs

"ur a teribul shot m8" i sed to him

"im not even trying m8" illuminati lafed at me

i hided behind covir and amed thru the wal and shot but it barley mised him. then sudenly i felt a burn in my sholder and it hurt

i glanced ovur and saw that i had been hit

"u wil pay 4 that" i sed panfuly

"bulshit" illuminati lafed at me

. . .

"cmon lenny klan" lenny sed to his klan as they batled 4 controll of the center of the yat "we must win this batul"

a lenny shot and kiled a FaZe klan member thru a wall "got 1 sur" he sed hapily be4 he himself wuz shot

"shit" lenny sed "we r losing 2 many men"

2 FaZe klan members rised out of the hot tub with . . . ROKET LAWNCHAIRS! and firbals started 2 ran frum the sky

"hey thats not far" lenny sed as they kiled moar of his lennys

"all is far in lov and war" sed a FaZe klan ofiser

"cmon gary hurry up" lenny sed as anuter lenny dyd neerby

. . .

i shot at illuminati agan but i mised and wen i trid to shot agan i relized my clip wuz empty!111

"gime a sec m8 i hav to relod" i sed

illuminati smiled "no" and then he shot me in the chest

"OWWSWWWW" i sed camly

i laid on the grond and wuz 2 week to get up wen i notised storm clods in the sky and they were rely dark

"oh" illuminati sed "its gonna be stormy tooday"

"its not a regular storm" i sed as i cofed up moar blod "the world is abot to end"

sure enuf it started 2 ran firbals frum the sky

"oh shit" illuminati sed as he ran for his helicoptur "im geting out of her pese out suka"

i culd only bled on the grond but then i herd a familar voyse

"gary use ur fedora" it sed

"shrek is that u" i sed

"no shit lad now hury hes getin away"

wif a new resolv (see i no a few big words) i got up and put on my goldn fedora

i felt my fatnes becum biger and a nekberd apeer on my nek as i wuz filed wif the power of doritos and Montana dew

with gr8 sped i jumped after the chopa and got insid

"wut HOW DID U GET IN HER" he sed and then eyd my goldn fedora "no it cant be"

"oh but it is" and wif that i noskoped illuminati right in the i

"nooooooooooooooo i cant swim" he sed as he fel out of the chopa and in2 the water

"hasta la vista ya cunt" i sed as i jumped out of the chopa and landed bak on the yat

the firbals and the storm clods went away and i new we had 1

. . .

lenny loked up 2 the ski and saw that the clods were leving

"he did it boys" lenny sed "cum we must strik fast"

and wif the grasefulnes of a cheta lenny klan tok ovur the midle and drived FaZe belo dek

"we surender" FaZe sed wen lenny klan enterd belo dek

lenny smild 2 himself

. . .

"are we l8" reznov and gaben sed as they cam ovr 2 me

"yeh but we wun" i sed

"nise nekberd gary" gaben sed

"thank u lord gaben"

"weres ranbo frog" reznov sed

i pointed at his bode sadly "he wuz quikskoped by the illuminati"

"oh no" reznov crid "we ned 2 get him 2 the hospital"

a lenny cam down and caried ranbo frog away

"wil he be ok" gaben sed

"i hop so"

"we did it gary" lenny sed as he walked out "FaZe has surendered and u control the Black Ops servers"

"awsum but dont u want a reward" i sed

"lenny klan wil control the Ghost servers" he sed "OpTic distrakted Modern Warfare players so they wuldnt send moar trops and FaZe stil controls the Advanced Warfare servurs"

"we wil hav pese now that illuminati is ded" i sed

"sonds god" lenny sed "oh btw cum belo dek with me i hav somthin to sho u"

"k"

. . .

"wow this is an avansed sistem" i sed as i cheked the cumputer"

"theres moar" lenny sed as he presed a buton to sho anuter rom wich wuz a smal faktori

"woh" i sed "a hol rom of ranbo frogs and spokyskuryskeletons"

"i no" lenny sed "u hav a hol army"

"it loks lik everything worked out wel" i sed 2 lenny "theres just 1 thing left"


	4. epilog

"der gentulmen we r gatered her 2day 2 remember the life of shrek" the prest sed "he wuz a brav ogre who gav his lif 4 the gr8r god"

i wuz cri "y must the god di yung" i sed

"but we must not morn as much as we shuld remember the god tims we had with him" the prest continud "and we must remembur that the luminatea has felt justise 4 his crimes" he smiled "does anybody hav any final words 2 say b4 we bure him"

"i do" i sed sadle and got next to the cofin "evrybody we must nevar 4get shreks nobul sacerfice and werever he is im shur hes loking don on us and hes prod" and i felt lik i did a god job but every1 just loked at me skardly

"wuts wrong" i sed

"ur fedora is glowing m8" lenny sed "somethings hapenin"

"y do i fel lik its not god" gaben sed

"its getin briter" reznov sed

the sudenly the cofin got vere brit and. . . SHREK EMERJED AND HE WUZ ALIV AND OK!1111111!11!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!-!1!

"SHREK" i sed "IZ U"

shrek smild "yes lady it is me ur fedora resurekted me"

i gapsed "but wont that mak the balanse be gon then"

shrek lafed "no im gud its diferent that way"

"k" i sed

gaben cudnt belive his eys "shrek ur ok" he trid to run but wus to fat so he walked "i thot u wer ded"

"i wuz" he smild "but the fedora savd me"

reznov dansed and grabed gabens hand "gaben wil u mery me"

gaben gapsed "reznov i luv u 2"

"ew gay" i sed

then sudenly we saw a fling frog and we new ho it wuz

"ranbo frog" i sed "hes aliv and everythin is gona be ok"

shrek cam up 2 me "yes it is lady" he lafed "yes it is"

. . .

and u c thats the story of how i joned FaZe thx 4 listening m8s and i hop u have a shrektastic day lol

 **I can't believe you actually read all the way through this. You are fucking crazy.**


End file.
